END OF YEAR SCHOOL REPORT

Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson – For a Head Boy this term has been a disaster until the last few days. His cronyism and unfortunate friendships led to some potentially criminal proceedings. His endless enthusiasm soon wore off as reality crept in. Still too keen to elbow bump and hyperbolic speeches, he has calmed down somewhat.

Rishi Sunak – after a stunning introduction and the discovery of a money tree, Rishi has begun to struggle. The money tree needs nutrients and he is left in an invidious position. Cutting public services has been denied him by the brilliance of the NHS and the fact that everything else had been cut. The only option to cut deficits is taxation – which all his friends are against.

Matt Hancock – well, what a year you have had! Surviving as the stool pigeon wheeled out for ritual humiliation. Puppy dog eyes helped. Do we see a glimpse of a terrier rather than a mouse? Although why you want more power concentrated in Westminster is beyond me.

Grant Shapps – Minister for Transport – which bits did you not understand when taking the job? Dover being a port of importance was something you obviously had no understanding of. Being better than the last incumbent of the position is not good enough. How can you have got quarantine so bad having had examples from all over the world for the last 12 months or more. We will leave Brexit shambles for another day.

Robert Jenrick – Robert – why have you not resigned already, do you need more humiliation? Grenville Tower. Planning scandals. Oh and a good idea if you were born in 1821 – lets have a new coal mine!

Priti Patel – You must be disappointed that the Channel is stormy and cold. No opportunities to lock children and homeless, traumatised mothers in obscure places. I guess we will hear from you shortly as you have had nothing to say of any interest for a while. Although presumably you had an input into the quarantine of foreign passengers from selected countries.

Gavin Williamson – last but not least in my selection of Cabinet Ministers in need of resigning. Gavin, are you awake today – just testing. So basically you have screwed up. everything from GCSE’s and A’levels, City and Guilds, (basically all exams), and Universities by allowing them back to. spread the virus (how many deaths were you accountable for?), backs to school or not, mass testing or not? Complain to ousted, not providing laptops.

Michael Gove – you cannot wheedle your way out with lies and half truths at the end of the day. Ah, the end of the day is not yet, so he can continue to peddle his bullshit.

And whilst these people are incompetent – I worry more about the quite ones! Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. Rees-Mogg has been keeping his head down.

And we have not got on to Brexit.

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